


A tale about missing opportunities

by stopthismiracle



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 02:03:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopthismiracle/pseuds/stopthismiracle
Summary: Die always had it in front of his face, why didn't he saw it before?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't check this, sorry if there's any mistake. Enjoy reading!

It was already late when he noticed there was something different in his bag. He decided to look at it the next morning, he just arrived home from the tour concert. He felt so exhausted that he only threw himself to his bed and collapsed seconds after it. He was old, he realised. Not long time ago he used to go drinking after getting home from a long tour. Now, he only wanted to sleep. 

He woke up the next day at 6 am. Checking his phone for possible text from his fellow members. None. He closed his eyes again forcing himself to sleep. 

The second time he woke up his phone was ringing in his hand. It was his manager talking about a meeting. He dismissed it going back to sleep. He didn’t want to leave his bed. 

It was the third time that he had to leave his bed.  
Not only his phone was ringing someone was calling at his door at the same time. It was obviously Toshiya, none else was this annoying, well, maybe him. 

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have something better to do, like taking care of your girlfriend?” 

“No, she actually dumped me in the middle of the tour”. Said Toshiya letting himself in the apartment. 

“Again?”

“Yep. But I didn’t come here to talk about my crappy love life. Manager is waiting for us downstairs, he’s inviting us for dinner tonight for a successful tour and stuff like that”. 

“That oldie. He’s only making us meet because he misses us”.

“Well, duh”. They both laughed. “So go change yourself, Daidai. Also you should take a shower 'cause you stink. I’ll text the others”. 

______

He was quiet most of their meeting, which was strange, but he didn’t mind. He was observing the others while some of them were happily drinking and eating. He started to remember when they just started the band, all the discussions and fighting, the laughing, also. They were always good friends in their own way. Looking at Shinya, he recalled the first time he saw it, when he couldn’t believe that someone who looked at delicate as him could play the drums with that kind of energy. In the deep of his mind, he still doesn’t.

Everybody was pretty much wasted at the end of night, except for the drummer and the vocalist. He was ok, for the first time, ever. The three of them made sure to put the rest in cabs to send them home. No one passed out. Good. When it was time to say good bye, Kyo was looking at the two of them funnily. After a second, he only say good bye with his hand starting to walk to his car. Shinya looked at him waiting for something.

“I think I lost the last train”

“Me too.” Shinya told him, hugging himself. “Do you want to come over? I want to talk something with you”.

“Of course, Shin, do you still live in the same place?” He said revealing how long he hasn’t being in the younger house. Shinya agreed silently starting to walk looking for a cab.

 

The ride was quiet, like Shinya has always been. He was looking at the drummer’s profile watching how little has he changed over the years, the corner of his eye was a little wrinkled but he only found beauty in it. 

It wasn’t a secret among they that he always found Shinya beautiful, in a way not many men could be. That didn’t mean he was in love with him… Ok, maybe a little. But after years of trying to approach him romantically (or even sexual) nothing ever worked and he ended up with his heart a little bit broken. He understood the younger didn’t want him that way. He only wanted a friend. Nothing else.

 

_______

 

“Have a sit”. He told him hanging his coat in the closet by the entrance. “I have something to give you”

“Really? It’s not my birthday you know…” Shinya laughed. He got up going to his room to get that something. Die was a little bit suspicious. He took out the paper he found in his bag in the afternoon. It was a letter, it looked like a fan letter, but there was no way a fan could slip a letter to his bag. Shinya reappeared in the living room with a shoebox in his hands.

“Take a look”. He hid the letter behind his thigh which was stupid because at some point he had to get up. He opened the shoebox only to find lots of picture of them when they were young. He started smiling immediately. He took one with his hand. In the picture he was making a funny face and Shinya was laughing by his side. “I didn’t remember having this, maybe they weren’t mine and I don’t how they ended in my room”

“But you had a camera back then, don’t you remember? We were too poor to get something like that” He got a little punch in his arm. Shinya always did the same when he brought it up. He laughed. 

“Maybe.” He said looking through the pictures with Die. They were always together by then. Lots of picture of Die back hugging him. Other where the younger was sitting in his lap. Both of them with a focused gaze. The others were always in the background. 

Both of them were smiling. When they got to last picture something in the air changed. He looked at Shinya who was looking at the picture with sadness in his eyes. It was them again… Shinya was looking at the camera shyly, while Die had an arm around his shoulders, trying to kiss his cheek. He was always playing, he recalled. But deep inside he wasn’t. Now he could tell that hurt them. 

“Wow, we were really young” He said, trying to make the air lighter. Shinya laughed quietly and choked a bit with tears in his eyes. “Are you ok?”

“Yes, I think it’s the alcohol” He said getting up, taking the shoebox with him. Die tried to stop him taking his arms. Shinya escaped from his arms throwing all the pictures in the process. He was crying loudly, like if the pictures falling on the floor was the only thing to let it all out. Die hugged him trying to calm him down. The other fight him. “Don’t touch me” He said many times. Even when it was obvious that he couldn’t free himself.  
“I’m sorry, I was too stupid back then” Die told him, his arms still around the younger. “Maybe you thought that I was always playing, but I wasn’t. I always thought, well… I still think you’re the most beautiful” Shinya only cried harder. “Shin…”

“I always felt like crap whenever you made something to me, did you know?”

“I know, I was a jerk”

“You still are… sometimes”

“I know.”

Shinya calmed a bit the last tears falling from his reddened eyes. Die tried to clean Shinya’s face with his thumbs. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“No.”

He did it anyway, he knew they both wanted it. He felt Shinya melt in his arms when their lips touched with more force, all this years waiting for this moment. Die held Shinya like it was the most precious thing in the world. In his world it was. Shinya held him asking him to never let him go. Don’t leave me, he was screaming.

 

When Die saw the picture he realised all the opportunities he had to be with Shinya, and how he lost them all. He always thought the younger didn’t want him, but now, feeling how he clung onto him he realised how long the other had wanted him.

They were in the younger’s bed, looking at each other, tracing their faces carefully.

“Did you read my note?”

“It was yours? Sorry… I didn’t have the time.”

“It’s ok. Maybe, it was for the best.” He said carefully closing the distance between their bodies.


End file.
